How to deal with different problems?

Have you ever wanted to get out of work or shirk responsibility? don’t you remember Maybe it’s better to refer to collective memories. Do you remember exam nights when you didn’t study? Those times when you knew well that your most important duty is to study and take exams, but for whatever reason, you occupied yourself with things that were not necessary at that moment. For example, instead of studying, you listened to music or tidied the room or washed the dishes. Probably we all have such memories. But why don’t we do what we should?

Everything is not reduced to the example we gave. The nights of school and university exams pass and the days of life with its difficulties are waiting for you. For example, a heavy, urgent and complex work project comes up. Or maybe you decide to have a baby and you need to turn your home office into a baby room. You may need to sell your father’s house to replace your old and worn-out car and to pay for your child’s college education. Maybe you have neglected the presentation and delivery of the report to the CEO for a long time. Maybe you need to calculate and pay the current year’s tax and you avoid it. Even if you avoid tidying up the house or answering unread letters, it boils down to the same thing: it is difficult for you to make decisions and face the basic problems of life.

Why can’t you simply face the important problems of your life?

Why can’t you simply face the important problems of your life and make basic decisions? This is a question you can ask yourself in bed every night or in the mirror every morning. Note that work situations and procrastination are one thing, and the fear of facing important and fundamental problems in life is another. We want to talk about running away from problems or fearing to face them.

David Allen, in the book “Getting Things Done” writes that thinking about something you don’t do anything about is just a waste of time and energy.

Accordingly, the best solution is to do a little bit of work or find a small way to improve, even if the improvement seems minor. But the problems that press us the most don’t seem to accept this kind of sensible and measured approach. Right or wrong, we feel that there is something beyond this need. But what is the reality and what should be done? must continue Whenever we see that we don’t have the strength to continue, we have to admit that we have failed. Maybe we need to rest. After checking, we may need to change the route or maybe the destination.

Simple tasks like buying a new windshield wiper for the car don’t need to be confronted. This kind of work can be done easily. The talk of confrontation comes when the problems are not only complicated, but sometimes they become very complicated.

Some decisions are not finished in one step and bring new decisions with them. For example, suppose you need to sell your father’s house, you need to decide what to do with the furniture. Do you need to throw away some old and memorable items? Selling valuable vintage posters or frames? If part of the house is in disrepair, you need to figure out if you need to invest before selling and then manage any projects that may be involved. Also consider that you have migrated from your hometown to another city. So, you need to travel there to sell your father’s house and take time and plan for this. Combined, these factors almost guarantee that you’ll be blaming yourself years from now for the bad decisions you make now. A kind of impostor syndrome can set in: are you really someone who can deal with such issues?

When I faced an important problem and had to face it and make a decision, my friend said that you are wise and mature and in the end, whatever decision you make will be wise to some extent, even if you later realize that you were wrong. Such an attitude seems very helpful: to accept that our ability to do things or our failure are both part of our decisions.

Bringing emotions into the story just makes decision making more difficult and complicated. If it is necessary and wise to convert your home office into a nursery, do the same. If you make this decision emotional, you might think that you have too many memories with that room and miss it, or fear that you will lose some of your peace of mind. In such a situation, if you don’t have a child yet, you have to decide with yourself whether you want to have a child and pay the costs of this new desire and experience, or do you prefer the peace and possibility of working from home? If your wife is also pregnant and your child will be born in a few months, you should think about the need to provide a baby room. If you can change the house and if you can’t, you have no choice but to change the use of the room. In such situations, the best solution is to take care of the heart from the bottom of emotions and leave the reins of affairs in the hands of reason.

Recently, I was at the gym trying to beat my personal best. My coach suggested that I increase the weights. I did this, but now that the operation has come, no matter how hard I tried, the weight did not budge. “Just keep going,” my coach said. Don’t underestimate continuous effort!”

I braced myself, grabbed the bar and pushed the ground with my feet. First, only two seconds. Then three, then four seconds. I was still not shaken by the water, but I continued. I continued without result. Until suddenly, like magic, the pole rose from the ground. I was encouraged and continued until the rod completely lifted off the ground!

From that day on, I found continuous effort to be a special and magical way of dealing with problems. From that day on, I learned that many problems require long periods of sustained and seemingly fruitless effort.

If you are a painter, or if you want to be a painter, you may have to practice over and over again. You have to keep trying until the day you succeed. Similarly, you may have to visit different doctors again and again in the hope that a cure might be found.

Maybe when we say that we don’t face important issues and problems, we actually mean something else. Perhaps we mean that we are not used to repeated failures or long-term failures. If we look at the matter from this angle, it may not be an exaggeration to say that we are in reality facing important issues and problems in our lives, but this process happens so slowly that we do not even realize it.

Akrasia or weakness of will

That’s not the whole story! Philosophers use the term akrasia. Akrasia is an old Greek word, meaning weakness of will.

In this theory, when you have diabetes or may be obese, you still prefer chocolate cake to vegetable salad. Or when you still prefer to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of jogging or walking with sports shoes on, you may have acrasia.

Does akrasia really exist? Is it reasonable to say that we have decided to do something, but we have not been able to overcome our reluctance and have done something else that was not useful or important?

Do you remember Hamlet? Hamlet swears revenge on his uncle, Claudius, for killing his father. But he hesitates when it comes to the punishment of the act. He procrastinates and eventually goes mad and kills Claudius only at the end of Shakespeare’s longest play.

Literary scholars have written countless essays that emphasize Hamlet’s lateness and see him as an immature person with mad decisions and intellectuals. However, we know that such a view is strange and controversial. It is true that if we look at the story from one angle, Hamlet has come to the conclusion that he must kill his uncle, but in a broader sense, we have to consider all aspects together. He wants his uncle to be killed but he doesn’t want to be a murderer himself! Such a decision seems wise. However, if we consider Hamlet simply as a revenge thriller, Hamlet’s actions are considered strange.

If you struggle with fundamental issues and problems and are afraid to face them, you can learn from the play Hamlet. First, there may be good, or at least defensible, reasons for not acting. But if we can’t express them, that’s another matter. Why does this happen? It may be because we look at life like a movie. We expect to follow a script-like guideline that is too restrictive.

In real life, it’s okay to challenge the script sometimes. For example, if you haven’t sent a report and it’s overdue, instead of struggling or feeling guilty, it’s better to pause and ask yourself if it’s still necessary to prepare that report? Be honest with yourself, if the answer is no, let it go.

The second lesson that can be learned from Hamlet is to note that we may need changes to dream with problems. It may not be bad to say that in order to face problems, we often need to be hard-hearted and hard-hearted.

Different readings of the same word: problem!

A few years ago, a lexicographer named Keith Woodford wrote a short blog post. The topic of this blog post was “multi-word verbs related to solving problems”. He was merely making a subtle point that “problems” can be used with different verbs!

Paying attention to this linguistic delicacy can be a way forward and change our attitude and ultimately help to solve problems.

In the following, we give examples of some of these current expressions:

• We can face problems.
• We can solve problems.
• We can fix the problems.
• We can handle problems.
• We can deal with problems.
• With problems, in addition to dealing with the problem, he pointed out, we can fix it, solve it, work around it, put up with it, live with it, struggle, stay, wait and watch.

Do we have to face all the problems?

“Encountering or confronting problems” is an explicit and strict phrase. There are other ways. You can deal with problems or solve them slowly. Anyway, we have to know the problems well and correctly so that we can deal with them. It is really difficult to face big and stubborn problems all at once and alone. What should be done? Sometimes you have to let go and sometimes you have to continue slowly and steadily.

Difficult days can be compared to cold days and long winter nights. People on the streets wear long, warm, loose coats these days and pretend that they can handle the difficulties on their own. However, is there really anyone who wouldn’t welcome a warm and safe hug just because they’re wearing a coat?

Yes, it can be hard to really wrap yourself around a strange and stubborn problem, but it’s a bit like winter hugs. Most of the time you have to wrap yourself in an uncomfortable hug.

Embracing problems doesn’t just help you actually face it or deal with it, sometimes you have to hang in there and fit in. You need accuracy, persistence, flexibility, determination and attention to detail to solve problems. You have to embrace the problems, take some time to recognize them. Once you become familiar with problems like a close friend or the love of your life, their presence fades over time. Maybe they will leave little by little, like all those you loved and left!

If you like, write us about your experiences and memories related to solving problems. If you have any questions, you can write to us. We eagerly read your questions and comments and respond as needed.

Source: The New Yorker